You Have No Idea How Sorry I Am
by RikkuPollendina
Summary: What happens when Terezi tells something to Karkat that could potentially change their relationship forever? Rated T for cutting, possible triggers, and language.


You Have No Idea How Sorry I Am

Karkat walked into his matesprit's room, finding her spread out on her bed. She was crying with her face buried in a pillow, a teal-stained razor clutched in her hand. There was a bandage wrapped around her upper arm.  
"Terezi..." He murmured, scooping her up into his lap. She continued sobbing, thoroughly soaking his shirt in the process. After five minutes of this, her sobs had deteriorated into a few muffled cries and hiccups.  
"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Karkat asked, kissing her forehead. Wiping her eyes with one hand, Terezi shook her head no.  
"Alright... call me if you do." He responded. /Gog, I suck at this feeling stuff./

"Karkat?" Terezi called just as he was about to leave.  
"MmHm?" He said, slowly walking back to her.  
"W-w-will you always be my matesprit, even if I screw up really bad?" She got out between sobs.  
"Yeah, of course." He said, pulling her close. After a moment of silence, he asked, "Just out of curiosity, what exactly did you do?" At that, Terezi deteriorated into gross sobbing again. /Shit. What did I do wrong.../

"Karkat, please don't hate me for wheat I'm about to tell you."  
"Impossible for me to hate you, but please continue."  
"I k-k-kissed Kanaya." She burst out.  
Karkat just stared at her for a moment, his arms slowly falling back to his sides. He rose abruptly, turning his back to her and running his fingers through his hair. / She cheated on me?/  
"Karkat, I am so sorry. When she, Dave, and I went to the human place called Russia, she caught me at a bad time. I was questioning whether I liked male or female trolls more, and I told her I'd never kissed a female troll, and she just leaned in and-" her voice broke. " Karkat, you have no idea how sorry I am, I didn't kiss her back, I never wanted to hurt you and I still love you-" Karkat cut her off.

"Did you fill a pail with Dave too while you were gone? Questioning whether you liked trolls or humans? Tell me Tz, do you a actually regret it, or were you on her lips the moment you left my sight?!" He spat. To him, everything was the color of his blood: bright red.  
"N-no, Karkat, I didn't want it to happen, she snuck up on me! Please Karkat, I'm so sorry..." She was crying even harder now: so hard Karkat was surprised her tear ducts hadn't exploded.  
He sat down on her dresser, resting his head in his hands.  
"Didn't any of those nights in your room mean anything? Don't you remember how it felt to run home from the city, arm in arm, drunk on each other's lips? How it felt to... To fill our first pails together?" He licked his lips ,preparing to interrupt her stammering of 'of course they did''s.  
"Terezi, if you're gonna kiss someone else every time you go to a different planet, I don't see this working out."

He could see in her eyes that he had just broken something. Something very precious, something that he had made a vow to protect, even if it cost him his dying breath. He glanced down, for that gaze was killing him faster.  
"Karkat... I'm going to do something drastic. I can't live without you, and if you're leaving me then I see no point in being miserable without you." Karkat looked up at Terezi's eyes to see a wildness that scared the living hell out of him. He had been so transfixed with her insane look he hadn't noticed what her hands were doing. In two swift movements, she cut both her arms wide open. Immediately after this, she wedged the razor into her chest. She screamed in pain as her red sheets were dyed teal.

"Holy Fucking Shit!" Karkat yelled. He ran into the hall, grabbing the first person he came across: John.  
"Egbert, call an ambulance right now. Get Rose in here with bandages, and..." He grimaced at the next name he had to say. "Get Kanaya to bring her sewing stuff. And hurry the fuck up, my future is dying." John just stood there for a second, then sprinted off to do Karkat's bidding, yelling into a walkie talkie as he pounded down the hall.

Karkat turned on his heel and sprinted back into Terezi's room. He found her breathing shallowly, slowly bleeding out. Rose and Kanaya weren't gonna be fast enough. If he didn't act fast, she'd die right in front of him. Without any other choice, he ripped off his shirt and started tearing it into shreds. Carefully, he raised Terezi's right arm in the air, wrapping the whole cut with cloth strips. He did the same to her left arm, and was about to attempt to repair the stab wound when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
"Don't pull it out, that'll make the bleeding worse. Wait until the paramedics get here." Dave said.  
"And how the fuck do you know what's best?" Karkat spat.  
"Let's just say I did my time in a med course." Dave looked over his shoulder, making sure no one was looking. "You don't have to be a man around me, I know what you're going through. Let it out."

With those words, Karkat started shaking uncontrollably.  
"I'm so scared she's gonna die. This is my fault." He whispered. "She means everything to me and I just about murdered her."  
"Don't think like that." Dave responded. "She's gonna be fine."  
"We're you there when Kanaya kissed Terezi?" Karkat asked after a moment of silence.  
"Yeah." Dave said. "She was ranting to us about how unsure she was, and Kanaya just leaned across and kissed her. Terezi flipped, started screaming about how Kanaya had just forced her to cheat on you. She was sobbing, talking about how her life was over, all because of a three second kiss."  
Before Karkat had a chance to digest that information, paramedics burst into the room. Latula was trailing close behind them, Redglare at her heels.  
"Like, we can both donate blood. We've got the same color as her!" He heard Latula say. The last thing Karkat saw before passing out was a paramedic ripping the razor out of Terezi's heart, blood gushing everywhere.

_._._._._._._._._._._._._.

When Terezi woke up, all she could smell was white and antiseptic. Judging by the pain of stitches and the tightness of bandages, she guessed she was in a hospital. On her wrist was a bracelet that read: 'Terezi Pyrope, Attempted Suicide.' Duh, she had tried to kill herself. The most important person to her had turned her away.

A doctor came into her room, shutting the door behind him.  
"Terezi Pyrope, right?" He asked.  
"Guilty as charged." She responded gloomily.  
"I'm just gonna ask you a few questions, Ms. Pyrope. Was the razor found in your chest what you used for the cuts?"  
"Yes."  
"For how long have you been suicidal?"  
"That's tough. For about five years, but a year ago someone came into my life, and he recently ripped my heart out for an incident that wasn't my fault."  
"Alright. I think I know who you're talking about. He's the gray-signed one, right? We had to shoot him up with sedatives because he wouldn't stop pacing the halls and asking how you were." Terezi's eyes grew wide at that.  
"Really?" She whispered.  
"Yes, really. He really cares about you." The doctor stood up and brushed off his coat. "I have one more question. Are you up for visitors?"  
"It depends on who."  
"Her name is... Kanaya I think?"  
"Absolutely not!"  
"O-Kayyy... Do you want me to give her a message?"  
"Yeah." She responded. "Excuse my French, but tell her to go fuck herself. She's the one who got me in this mess."  
"Well if she made you do this to yourself, I'm more than happy to say those exact words. I can tell you're a wonderful person, and no one like you should ever be suicidal."  
Terezi smiled up at him. "Thanks, doc. Any other potential visitors?"  
"Uhm, yeah, quite a few. I'll send them in one by one, okay?"  
"Yeah, sure." She said, settling herself back onto the pillows of the hospital bed. Before the doctor even had a chance to step it of the room, a blur of forest green and blue came barreling towards her.

"Terezi! Thank Gog you're okay! And had pawsed for some rest a Equius' room and I heard the scream, and the blood, and I'm just so happy you're okay. Dave filled everyone in on what happened so you don't have to explain anything, Kanaya's sobbing somewhere, even Vriska wants to see you, and Karkitty was actually crying! Equius wants you to drink some of his STRONG milk, Sollux has spent the last few hours inventing a red and blue pill that is supposed to help your depression, and Tavros has been talking Gamzee out of force feeding you Faygo and Sopor."  
"...Karkat's actually concerned for me?"  
"Well, duh! He fainted when they took out the razor but came to and kept saying to the doctors 'please save her, she's my matesprit.' It was kind of cute!"

Nepeta talked her ear off for another fifteen minutes, but all Terezi heard were the bits about Karkat. Nepeta finally managed to get her interested in a conversation about canekinds. Suddenly, they heard a commotion in the hallway.  
"Let me through! I need to see someone! You have no idea how important she is!" Came the muffled cry. The door burst open, and there was Karkat, looking extremely disheveled and very tired.  
"I'll just leave... " Nepeta said, tiptoeing out. Karkat walked past her and sat on the bed, gingerly taking Terezi's hand as if it were made of porcelain. She could tell by the way he had his nose in the air that he was holding something back.  
"Go ahead." She told him. With that, he started crying lightly.  
"I was so afraid I was gonna lose you." He whispered. "Gog, you're everything to me Terezi."  
"You're everything to me tooKarkles. You always have been " She said, starting to cry a bit herself.  
"Can I kiss you?" He asked quietly.  
"Of course you can." Terezi reached up to stroke his cheek, then tangled her fingers in his hair. Karkat closed the gap between the two of them, locking their lips. After a few seconds he attempted to deepen the kiss, but Terezi gasped in pain and he immediately recoiled.  
"Oh my Gog, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" He stammered. Terezi chuckled.  
"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry." She said letting him hug her lightly.  
"Matesprits?" She whispered in his ear.  
"Forever." He promised.


End file.
